Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A break from everything

Oh yeah, I'm so looking forward to the summer break! can't wait. In the meantime, I'm working at home :-(
Last week was quite busy as we had friends from the US who stayed with us for a few days and then I went to Sardinia to attend a meeting. 
There are still things that need to be done BEFORE leaving but a) it's too hot to work b) I need a break.
I had a break from Pilates though and I'm not particularly happy about it as I put on 2 kilos. Well, perhaps it was the delicious Sardinian food?! Ricotta and honey soooo yummy. Not to mention the seadas (the region's most famous cheese and honey dessert).
Anyway, I've booked my 2 hours of Pilates before going to Tuscany in order to get back into "shape" hahhhahh ;-).

I did have a great time last week. It's always good to catch up with friends and colleagues. The first meeting was held .... on the beach. How good was that? 

I'm struggling concerning the summer readings. I need a break (apparently "break" is the word of the day) from English as I've been reading & writing in English since last September BUT if I read in Italian it'll be too difficult to switch back to English to meet an important deadline at the end of August. I must admit (blame on me!) that I've just finished Acciaiao by Silvia Avallone and I do have another Italian book that I'd love to read in the coming weeks. Mumble mumble... I should stick with English books, really. However, have you ever seen someone reading stuff on military urbanism on the beach?!

We'll see.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Guilty or Innocent?

I have this thing of "feeling guilty" for "no matter what happens, it's always my fault". I know, it's ridiculous but I guess it (the guiltiness) can be traced back to my education. I'm not blaming my parents who, by the way, are not like me. I'm blaming catholic schools though, where the first word learnt by heart is "SIN". Everything is pretty much a sin and this can turn into a powerful emotional blackmail which, more often than not, haunts you for the rest of your life. 

Feeling guilty is a waste of time, really. Moreover, it's dangerous as it prevents you from behaving as you want. 

I'm not saying that I'm constantly feeling guilty, but I often feel guilty when I shouldn't. And I don't like it at all. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Under the Tuscan Sun

Due to changes in G's job, we haven't booked anything yet. However, you probably recall that I LOVE Tuscany as I spent my summer holidays there when I was teenager. I keep wonderful memories of more than 10 years in Tuscany with my grandparents and parents. I had a blast with my friends and I'm overcome with nostalgia when I think about my first French kiss (at the movies, we were watching Dirty Dancing and A* didn't look like Patrick Swayze ;) breakfast with fresh focaccia and milk, tennis and swimming lessons and so forth. So, when it comes to summer holidays I have to go to Tuscany, even if it's just for a few days. We're looking for a place to stay near Baratti and maybe we've found something. We'll see, we're waiting for an answer. If the place is going to be the one that we have in mind, we've been very lucky. To be honest, it's very unlikely as it's a great place and I doubt they still have an apartment to rent. Anyway, we'll keep looking. We desperately need a holiday!

*1 year ago I got an email from him. I haven't heard from him for a long time, around 20 years. 

Dear L.
Are you the curly L. from *** ? 
I haven't seen you for a long time and I was wondering how things are doing.
I still go to *** All our friends go there on holiday with their kids. By the way, I have a child too and it's too much fun.
What about you?
Aren't you on Facebook?
Please sign up so that you can see my pictures.
Wow, if you are the curly girl ("ricciolina" in Italian) I have in mind... I do remember you.

I was struck by the fact that a) he found my email (well, not so difficult if one knows my family name) and that  b) he contacted me after 20 years! Andrea was my first "boyfriend". He wasn't good-looking, a skinny boy from Rome who made fun of me like all teenagers do when they like someone. I can't tell why I liked him but I did. A lot. 

Dear A.
I do remember you as well!
So nice to hear from you

to be continued

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


Sometimes I wonder -don't ask me why 'cause I don't know- who is the most charming man in the world.  I don't have to put much thought  into it:

Marcello Mastroianni
Come lui nessuno mai!

Monday, July 9, 2012

A World of Strangers

I didn't sleep well. To be honest, I didn't sleep. I woke up far too early and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm accustomed to it. I've been through too much stress lately and this has taken a toll on me. I hate being sleep deprived but this is what I usually get after months of stress. See? I'm not over my big boy's loss. Not that I wake up thinking of him but there's something that just don't add up in my life and it haunted me at night. Increasingly, since he died, I've felt a mix of tiredness and vitality. It's like I'm telling to world -and to myself- that, despite I haven't slept, I am full of energies which, of course, it's not true. I have to work so, sleep deprived or not, there are things to do. But at the end of the day, I feel exhausted. I sleep when I'm abroad though which is telling of what haunts me in my house. His loss, I think. Or perhaps -once again- the stress we've all been through in last months. I don't know. 

On the bright side, I've been reading quite a lot. I haven't finished the trilogy I mentioned, it wasn't worth it, to be candid. I read Amy and Isabel by Elisabeth Strout, an American writer I've come to love because she encapsulates entire worlds in tiny tiny microcosms (Olive Kitteridge is also a must to read). I've just started A World of Strangers by Nadine Gordimer. 

Isn't the world we live in a world of strangers? No one really gets what one feels unless moved by strong empathy or by deep love. And even if this case, we fail to grasp all the nuances of someone else's life. 

Friday, July 6, 2012


It's very depressing here. Rain, fog & wind. Definitely NOT my favorite place. I wouldn't live here. not even if I got an interesting job offer. Nope. It's not for me. Too cold, not to mention the food. Perhaps we had dinner at the wrong pub yesterday, but the salmon was quite... "strange". My vegan friends (!) left in the afternoon and I had a beer with German friends who had... more than just a beer. Anyway, everything went well but I'm looking forward going home. 

I've changed lately. Going abroad it's something I can't avoid. I have to go because of my job and it's fine. However, I do miss my family and friends after -say- 24 hours. It's always been like that with my family but not with my closest friends. I could stay one week without hearing from them. I just can't now. 

Also, I can't skip my pilates workout. My back aches, I have to move. Plus, A - my pilates trainer- and I are pretty close and I miss her as well.

Anyway, I'll be back soon. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Say a little prayer for me

wondering... which dress
I'm gonna wear now?!

We are fine?

My mum is heading to Venice.
G. is at work.
I'm at home on my own.
Pictures of big boy everywhere. He constantly keeps an eye on me, I know that.

Yesterday I got a phone call from R.

Hey, I would have preferred to see you but... we didn't make it so: I'm pregnant with twins
with twins??
Twins in the family? I didn't know it!
Yes, my grandma.
Oh my God, R.! I can't believe it. This is wonderful news.
It is. We are quite thrilled and a bit scared to be honest but yeah, I just wanted to share the news with you.

She is 37 and had a brain tumor a few years ago so... I didn't expect the news. R and S. are lovely people and I'm so happy for them even though I hate being surrounded by pregnant women. Sometimes I can't stand it because the underlying question is: and you? And me... what? It's just not happening AND it's not "socially required". It seems that the vast majority of women I know are either pregnant or  have kids. Well, this is not entirely true. Some of them are not expecting and don't think about pregnancy. 

Anyway, it's not happening. Period. It's ok. I'm (almost) fine with it. I just don't like to be asked about it.  

So: R. is pregnant, E. is pregnant, L. just had a baby boy.

I am NOT expecting and this is OK. please stop thinking/asking about it. We are fine.

I think I know

where I'll get the dog.
See here.