Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Social pressure

We've come to realize that not having children it's totally fine. We are parents anyway and we're absolutely OK with it. To be candid, my poor friends who had a baby (or more than 1) are much more stressed than me and don't seem to be super happy about sleep deprivation, diapers and the overall challenges of first-time parenthood.

I am now free from the slavery of social pressure:

"What about you? No children?"
"Nope, we have Orlando and it's just fine the way it is"
"Well, if you don't have kids now ..."
"I can live without kids. We don't want to go through tests. If I get pregnant it's ok, if not it's ok either"
[....]

And the conversation dies. Sometimes it doesn't even start as they stop after the second line.

I'm not saying this because we've tried but haven't succeeded but because I am now aware of the amount of social pressure that lies behind all the pregnancy-related articles, conversations etc. After a few years I've realized that being a mom shouldn't be a social duty and, moreover, it's not what I really want. As I said, if it's going happen it's fine otherwise ... I can live without a baby but not without a dog   or without G. so... no problem.

It's so liberating to recognize that yes, I am 37 and yes, I probably have 2-3 more years and: I DON'T CARE!



7 comments:

  1. I'm guessing it's much worse than "When are you going to have a girlfriend and get married?" which I was asked until I was about 23 or so.

    Of course, by the time you get to my age, people are just asking you when you'll be retiring ;-)

    Anyway, glad you feel OK about it. You should. Life is about making the very most of everything you have not things you don't have. IMO, obviously :-D

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  2. Hi. Social pressure. I recall a time when I was able to be a stay at home Mom for a few years. People would ask what I did for work? SO everyone seems to have a 'norm' that they think others should aspire or adhere to.
    Love Gail
    pecae......

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  3. @Andy: not so sure it's worse but it's definitely the same feeling. I totally agree with you: making the most of what we have already. By the way: "when are you going to have a girlfriend?!!!" LOL

    @Gail: exactly, "norms" are the real problem. Norms we should adhere to because... ?!! Who knows?

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  4. I agree with you! But nobody has ever asked me, because I guess they knew they were going to get a very bad answer ;-)

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  5. ;-) yeah, I guess I was too kind with some people in the past.

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  6. I am asked a different question: when do you settle down and marry? Just because people (and especially parents) want to know who is the girl I date (ok, since 10 years or so, but with many up and downs)and they want the officiality...
    Now it is a some months that at least my parents do not ask, but the question is there in the air.
    Good friends do not ask, they know that the answer may be rude...and maybe parents too, now!
    The society (and life) now it is different, and it is our life!

    p.s. Although I understand (or I pretend to do) and I can (or I pretend to - I know I made mistakes in this comment) write in english, I was one of the fan of the italian blog!

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  7. Pietro! So nice to see you here :-) I din't know you were a fan of the Italian blog. I don't why I can't write a blog in Italian...

    Anyway, I am familiar with the "settle down" question too because it took us a while to move in together (more than 10 years!). The point is ignoring both the untold and the asked questions and do what works for you which, I guess, is what you do already.

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